the photos make it look peaceful.
a sunrise over nangar national park.
golden light spilling across the cliffs.
rolling farmland stretching into the distance.
what the photos don’t show is me standing in my kitchen at 4:30am questioning every decision that led me to this moment.
because i love the idea of sunrise hikes.
the reality is that i am a woman who enjoys them approximately 15 minutes after arriving.
before that, it’s mostly just darkness and poor decision-making.
i drove out to nangar while normal people were still asleep, fully aware that i was about to walk up a mountain alone in the dark.
which sounds empowering when you say it quickly.
less so when every noise in the bush suddenly becomes a potential threat.
i’m not scared of hiking.
i’m scared of everything that could happen while hiking.
snakes.
kangaroos.
falling over.
becoming a cautionary tale.
the whole way up i was convinced a kangaroo was going to feel cornered and choose violence.
which sounds ridiculous until you’ve looked a kangaroo in the eye and realised they’re built like someone who spends six days a week at the gym.
there was a lot of unnecessary catastrophising.
at one point i was genuinely thinking, this is how people end up on the news.
meanwhile the kangaroos were probably just standing there wondering why a woman with a headlamp was wandering around their mountain before sunrise.
but eventually i made it to the top.
and then nature did what nature always does.
it showed off.
the sky started changing colour.
the cliffs lit up.
the valley stretched out below me.
and for a few minutes everything went quiet.
all the overthinking.
all the worrying.
all the reasons i nearly stayed in bed.
gone.
i think that’s the thing nobody tells you about doing things alone.
it’s not that you stop being scared.
it’s that you stop letting being scared make the decisions.
because if i only did things when i felt completely comfortable, i’d miss half the good stuff.
most of the best moments in my life have started with me not wanting to go.
the trip i nearly cancelled.
the dinner i nearly skipped.
the hike i almost talked myself out of.
the discomfort always arrives first.
the reward usually turns up later.
standing on that lookout watching the sun rise over nangar national park, i couldn’t remember why staying in bed had seemed like the better option.
the early alarm was worth it.
the cold was worth it.
even the imaginary kangaroo attack was worth it.
sometimes the hardest part isn’t the hike.
it’s convincing yourself to leave the house.
and every now and then, life rewards you for doing it anyway.